Single with Twins...Oh and and 8 year old

Greetings all! It has been awhile since I posted last. The reason for that is I had been busy making, baking and birthing babies! On January 15th 2013 (my birthday to be exact) Aidan Daniel and Zane Michael were born (yup twins)! 

AND yes I am single again. Perhaps its my mothers curse. Daughter see Daughter do. My Mother was a single mother, and while I had older siblings they are only half siblings for we all have different fathers. The same is with mine now. The twins father is not the same guy that helped me create my now oldest. So guess that saying is true like Mother like daughter. Okay enough of the somber stuff. I might be single with three kids, but they are all thriving and well. While I am doing much on my own I do have family that has been amazing in helping. Especially my sister who was not so happy at being a auntie again twice over. She also was a haven to newly big brother Zach. Sadly he did not get to see me or his brothers at all till we came home. So he could not prepare his little mind. The homecoming was a shock to him. We are all better now...somewhat...him and Zane are like two peas in a pod. Zane just loves his big brother. Big brother was also the first to make him laugh! Aidan is my shadow. Already I can tell he is so much like me. While Zane is more like his big brother.

My boys from Left Aidan,Zane, Zach

I sometimes though I feel I have failed.  While a blessing from God I feel I failed on my part. I am not where I should be and I am not sure in how to get back on track. The boys are very demanding, time consuming. I wonder how can I leave them. It was hard leaving with my first when he was a baby now I have two! I want to be with them to love and nurture. I want to see their first steps, first words this time that I missed with my oldest. This is impossible I know, but hey a mother can dream.

An Awesome Mommy Moment

Have you ever had an awesome Mommy moment?

Motherhood amazes me, and humbles me for I am always a new mom, even though my bouncing baby boy is 7 years old now. Every stage/age of his life it is like I am a new mom. For every age group you face, faces new challenges.

 Now I am sure I have had other awesome Mommy moments, but this one inspired me to write about it. It is back to school time as we all know. My son is now in second grade. He forgot to pick out his clothes for today last night(Though I told him to do so, he said he was too tired.) so I laid out something for him. Upon wake up he did not like the t-shirt I picked. Then he decided he did not want to wear shorts I picked out for him either he wanted to wear pants. This was all fine till he started throwing a drama fit over his pants. He liked none of his pants now either because they buttoned, and not snap button like his shorts(Seriously my son?)I come in to see his pants were strewn all over the place because he was upset none of them snapped. I tired to reason with him calmly, but to no avail. The drama tantrum pursues he doesn't want to go to school now! He does not like second grade! I look at the clock to see time is running out, as well as my patience. Why must we start the day this way? So I yell he is grounded today and tomorrow over his behavior. If he had picked out his clothes last night like I told him we not be in this mess, but he did not. He finally dresses, but he is now upset with me and does not want me for his mommy anymore. I say fine with me! Now go get socks and shoes on!

We then get into the car and I say, "Zachery can I have a kiss."  He leans over and kisses me, and says. "I love you mommy I am sorry I acted out." I say, "I am sorry I got upset with you too." This was an awesome Mommy moment! What parent and child does not fight? It is when your child then comes and apologizes to you realizing they did do wrong. That is amazing, and I would assume a big thing for a child to do. In honor of that courage I as a parent admit I am sorry too that I lost my temper with him. I love him him no matter how mad I get . My life would be incomplete without him. I think this was an amazing Mommy and child moment don't you? ^_~

Teacher + Parent = Child Success

Have you heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child? I never knew that saying was so true until today. Maybe the saying should be it takes a parent and a good teacher to lead to your child's success. While we may have the no child left behind act my son could of still fallen between the cracks if I wasn't such an annoying parent I think. But my son does have speech, and learning disability so when asking him how his day went its kind of confusing. So it made sense that I want to know everyday how his was? Right? I would of seriously done that, but I didn't...well I tried not to. I didn't want to come off too OCP that stands for Obsessive Compulsive Parenting.

My boy now is in first grade, and at progress report/report card time last year it was not good. If he didn't improve in second quarter he probably would not pass 1st grade. My heart sank and I felt I failed him. The school can only do so much. I need to work with him at home too, and I got a cold reminder of this. I knew this and I slacked on my parental duties. No way was I going to let my son fall behind. I was not going to yell at him either, or ground him.We were in this together. His biggest worry was Reading at the time or progress report/ report card last year he was way way below his level. He also would throw tantrums at the sight of a book like it was his kryptonite. I devised a reading method where got him books I knew he could read which were his kindergarten books. He would read two of those so he was feeling pretty confident. I'd then sneak in a harder book. I did this till we are now reading full bigger books. I am now proud to say as of current in the latest progress report my son is now reading at first grade level. Could even be the best reader at the end of the school year out of the whole class. "Seriously?" My son beams with pride. I just can not believe it. To me this shows that it take both a parent and a teacher to teach our children how to truly soar in education.

*** Parenting Confession*** To be honest there have been times where I just didn't want to practice writing, or reading with my son. I just did not want to put up with the rebel. It be a lot easier to just let him watch TV. Could not do that though we had to conquer the reading beast! Oh while he is doing so good in school still does not stop him from being grounded when you do wrong so mama says!

How Single Motherhood Going so Far

Motherhood is an amazing experience and you never stop learning. You never become a pro at for at every age you encounter new experiences, new obstacles. It doesn't matter if you have done it all before for every little human life is different and filled with new surprises. Our children come from us but they are NOT us. They are not our clones they are their own individual with hopes dreams and ideas all their own. SO how is being a Single Mother so far? Being a single mom has kind of lost all meaning. It is all just about being a new mom. I am still a new mom for every age comes with new challenges and experiences. My little individual is now in first grade, and he is soon going to be 7 years old. I stop and take a look outside myself to see this person that has sprang from me. I just can not believe it! This little boy came from me I made him! I nurtured him inside me for 9 months. There are days I love him to bits, and then there are days where he challenges me oh so much and I wonder what I was thinking! Then as I tuck him into bed and he says. "Mom I love you." I am then reminded perhaps that is why. I wanted someone to grow and take care of. Leave legacy of me perhaps.

As Summer Comes to and End

Ahh summer vacation is coming to and end and school will be starting again. Been awhile since I blogged. The summer has be non-eventful really. Though we did get to go out of town to the lake. I am not sure why I did not enroll him into some summer fun activity because its been a VERY LOOOONG summer. I thought me, and my son could have a nice family summer together. Things never work out like you planned in your head do they? Still the lowly single mom writer that I am(that's me!) we have no Internet at home anymore so I go to the local coffee shop everyday to get my work orders and business been busy, and slow then busy again. Why did I not enroll him in some summer camp I do not know. My son is a people person unlike me. As my Mother once said I am like Greta Garbo with "I vant to be alone." The boy is an only child you's think he'd be used to this by now, but he is not.

He is a child who would do well with many siblings. He has even asked for a sibling. While other kids may be fine with just them and their parent(s) but then Mom goes and ruins it all by having another kid making them feel left out. I think my own brother was that way, but I digress am a tired mom who can not wait for school to start again.

Okay with Single Motherhood

After weeks of rain the sun has come out today, and as I got my son ready for school for some odd reason I reflected my on my life a bit as the morning sun streamed through the windows of our home. I am okay with single motherhood. It's like second nature to me. My mom was a single mother, my sister was a single mother too till she found her husband. Now I am a single mom, and I really can not image my life any different. I did for awhile hope to find love again. I did dream about getting married maybe someday. I guess there still is that little hope in me, but to be honest I am kind of fine if I never do. After so many attempts of trying to "date again" It is really stressful, and I got a happy level of stress in my life right now so I do not want to add more. Me and Zachery are doing just fine just me and him. At this point I am not sure another person in our lives will be a good thing. Zachery is happy with just him and Mom. For a male presence he has forever his beloved uncle who gives him money when he does good in school, and he has his cousin Mark who wrestles with him(much to mom's distress). He has got the balance that he needs.

Zachery has also stopped asking me to find a husband too so he can have a daddy. I think he now knows now what it entails, and he does not want to share mom. He does not even like when they family cat crawls up on my lap! When I was growing up I did not have a Father really either. He did pop in and out which probably has impacted me, and made me the neurotic person I am today. I really did not have a male figure really in my life like my son does, though I did have an older brother. We were apparently close too. In fact his name was my first word. Our closeness was when I baby and very young. He was much older so I was still young when he moved out out to have his own life. So I am okay with single Motherhood, and even though I feel alone in certain areas of this life I do still have my family by my side. Even though they do not see the world as I see it we do agree on the love and raising of this little boy that I have been blessed with. To my Lord I say thank you.

Hearing Your Child Read for the First Time

I wondered if I was the only mother ever to get teary-eyed when hearing her child read for the first time? Will any other mothers confess? Either way I did, and I feel a bit dorky that I did. I thought I could blame the hormones but the calendar was proof hormones did not play a factor. I guess I'm just an over emotional mom great!

Nothing I should be ashamed of though, and it really was just a mother being proud of hearing her child read for the first time. A mother's recognition that her child is growing up, a mother being proud that he has accomplished so much. Little Z does have some learning delays so hearing him read was really amazing. He is has improved so much since he started at the beginning of the year. I know he is going to have some struggles maybe forever or perhaps he will overcome it all. I am just so proud of him. He has really beaten the odds, and It really is the school and parents working together that can make sure our children succeed in life and be ready for the world.

My Son Lost His First Tooth!

Everyone celebrate my son finally lost his first tooth! I do admit I did get a little teary-eyed cause well hes my baby! As a mom I felt proud my son lost his first tooth! Plus the tooth came out OUR way. Auntie grumbled at us that the tooth should of come out sooner,and my son should of played with the tooth and kept wiggling it to make it come out. He is 6 years old and a loose tooth is the farest thing from his mind at the moment especially it being it the holiday season. Also we upset Auntie cause I did not apply a good enough explaination of if I was going to do the tooth fairy or not. Of course I was but my lack of again proper response made her blow up for I was apparently not going to be doing it right. Still no matter what we did it OUR way. And Yes Zachery will wake up having been visited by the toothfairy there was no doubt in that.

Get Ready for the Dysfunctional Holidays!

This Thanksgiving was the most dysfunctional Thanksgiving ever in the fact that we didn't really have one. Is it sad that I really did not mind? How dysfunctional is that? I'm really not looking forward to Christmas, and if I can possibly have just a little private Christmas with just me and my son that be nice. Is that cold and heartless of me? I do have family. An older sister she the only family member in my life. Our brother is MIA and her and my brother don't get along, and cousins...well they don't call and neither do we. My sister, my nephew, and brother in law are my family(and my son of course). Our Mom is gone and she and my uncle were really the glue that kept this family together. There was such love, yet we were all so messed up because nobody talked about the problems. They were like dirty little secrets that were in our family. It there a reason, or is this just genetic make up? Is this what happens when you have three kids all my different fathers? Is this just a cycle that started with our mother that is never going to end? Family is supposed to be there for you in good and bad, but that doesn't happen all the time. I have made sure to instill in my son that he can come to me no matter what and I will not judge him. Perhaps that is the problem in my family...I do not know. I do not see in myself how others see me. I know I portray myself perhaps as naive and innocent, but I'm really not. It is really hard though to convince your mother and your older sister that their little girl has grown up. For some reason I do not think they want me to fly. Sister dear do you want me to fly? Why do you then clip me with your tight harsh words. You know what our mother did to me. That is why you got out of the house for you knew what our mother was like, yet you didn't warn me what our mother could be like. 8 years I lived with the verbal abuse and controlling and you even contributed Mom always was protecting me from you. What is the secret I do not know? Why do you all feel that I cannot fly? I often wondered if you hated me. I often wonder how do you truly see me?

I worked hard in trying to heal and get over what my mother did to me. I seriously did not know how to function in society my mother has sheltered me and protected me from it all. At 25 I was like the mindset of a 18 year old...hell maybe 16 year old. I was lucky though to have some sort of eerie old world wisdom to me that I should not of had, but I did. I was doing well until I lost my job then it all went to hell. I was paying all our utilities plus a rent fee you could say. So my sister had it pretty good. I paid for hers and my electric and water and garbage. Now I am jobless and she is having to do this all on her own now. While it seems that it's kind of fair play I mean I took care of the bills for how long, and now little sister is down-in-out it seems all good, but it is not fair for she does have the whole mortgage to pay now. There is so many hidden reason as to why this is. It is both my fault as much as hers. I was weak and let her words hurt me, and she saw I was weak and used those words to hurt me. Instead of working together we worked against each other. Oh we tried to work together but we are just so opposite that it just does not work. I do not understand how her mind works, and she does not understand how my mind works. Plus the way my mind works seems to totally piss her off. I am trying to do things my way though, yet I guess I still have this innocent naivety in me that posses people to think I cannot function on my own. I'm though tired of trying to be controlled and told how I should do it, and even where I should work. That worked out soooo well at my last job I worked at which I was told I should apply to though I was TOTALLY unqualified for, and lied a bit to get it. That was one of the reasons I was on the layoff list is because 1. I sucked at it, and 2. My chronic back issue came into play. Our course to sister dear thinks I'm just being lazy and I need to go get a job. How does she know this? Is she in my body? Yes she is one tough cookie with an apparent high pain threshold, well good for her. Still she is not in my body so how does she know my pain is nothing and I'm lazy? She constantly tells me I'm lazy and worthless so I'm just being as she tells me I guess. Mom did a bit of the same thing to the point I got brainwashed and believed it. I thought I got past all that, but when she started throwing that all back at me I regressed, I freaked. Now I am what is being said about me and I do not want to be and I know I am not. Instead of yelling at me why not talk to me ask me what is wrong with your back lets look up some doctors that you can go to to figure out what the heck is wrong. I mean come on sister you know mother coddled me to no end and yes I am a bit simple when it comes to the outside world and how to do things. So you like to think yourself superior and better than me and you like that I apparently NEED you and I cannot leave without you. So help me get better or do you LIKE that I need you? Could you handle a world without your little sister?

My sister threaten to get my blog and comment that I'm full of crap about being a single mom and all alone. She wanted props for helping since I've been jobless, and yes she has helped and does not let me forget it. Well I have done an unmentionable for her, yet I do not ask for a single thing from her. I could hold this over her head and blackmail her, and ruin her. She was family so I did it and I do not expect any praise, nor do I expect anything in return. She apparently does want credit and props cause she is just awesome constantly putting me down, yet then being so great by buying my son things that he needs a cause I can not. I'm tired of the silence, but I'm not sure I can express it cause no one like to face the truth. My truth is probably all wrong and I'm still a whiny little snob, and we still got Christmas to survive again in hurtful words and silence.

Happiest Day of my Life My Son Was Born This Day!

On November 23rd 2004 after 15 hours of labor my son Zachery William Prince Cramlett was born. After looking at my life of 35 years so far this was truly the happiest day of my life. For those who read this Zachery was a blessing not an oops. Single motherhood I chose on my own. Some days I wonder why though, and then there are some days I am reminded aha that is why. Right now I'm having one of the those wonders why moments as we come down from the birthday high, and my daily dose of I'm a worthless loser mother. No this is not pity its desperate plea to understand where this all went wrong.

Yes thanks for all the love and support to my precious family out there. I thank you mom for sheltering me from the cold cruel world to where I can not now function in today's society. I thank you for trying to mold me to think, breath, and be you and lose all sense of myself. I thank you sister dear for seeing this weakness in me and starting to trash me again and to pick up where our beloved mother left off to try and control me into what you thought I should do. No matter what I say my words will never reach you. I am alone in this because I can never speak the truth of my heart because it does not want to be heard and dealt with. I am sorry now Zachery I let you into this crazy world. I thank you though for choosing me to be your mommy. I know I'm a good mommy to you, for you are totally happy and such a sweet little boy. It will be okay though and I shall just brush this off as another bad day.

Somethings a Mother Never Sacrfices

As parents we sacrifice a lot, yet there is one thing we do not. That is the happiness and welfare of our children. That is one thing I will not sacrifice. I will not endure if it causes risk to my son's well being and happiness. Another side will say, well all have to do things we don't want to do all for the sake of whatever and that I am denying my child. I do not think that is true and I will not sacrifice my child's well being and happiness just to be able to buy him more toys. He has plenty and his well being and happiness will reward him better in the long run than that shiny new toy that will break in 10 minuets.

Life of a single mom is always a struggle. I trying to make a go of my own freelance writing business and it is actually going well. Sadly due to it going so well might of lost some clients but hey I can only write so fast and I want them to order on my terms not a third party website that takes 14 days to get my funds, but I digress. Still this is a slow process and I wonder if it will ever be enough. The holidays are now approaching as well as my son' birthday. Will I be able to have party for him? What about Christmas? Again I'm in a threatening situation will we pull through this year? Still fighting for disability for I will not risk my son's happiness by risking my health to try and work. Last time I tried I just did some volunteer work and stressed my back. I was in pain for two weeks, yet I still had to be super mom and it took its toll which caused me to lash out at my son. He drew of picture of mommy yelling at him and that is where I stopped. This is what it will be like if I try to go out and work. Is that the kind of life I want my child to have his mother always yelling at him with horrible words that she is going to kill him, she wish she never had him. Then cry for she never meant to say those things or yell at him. I do not want that life for my son. A mother never means those words. It was the pain talking...it was the pain. Maybe if she buys him a new video game he will forgive her. I want my child to love me for loving him not cause I can buy him things. I will suceed though in my alternative, I pray and hope.

My Sweetest Little Boy

Well we are not the richest folks around. In fact to vast majority of the world I really am not employed but I am. I get to work at home as a freelance writer. People with familiar with freelance writing know the pay kind of sucks. My son has a piggy bank and he saves his money and he does things to earn money as well. They say it's never too young to teach the young ones the value of the dollar. With money tight the end of the month can be a real struggle. My son though saves the day offering to use his money to buy us food. The boy has really developed a love of food. I think it's due to our always near starvation at the end of the month. Either way he is the sweetest little boy who offers to use his money to help buy us food till we get our food at the first of the month. This makes a mothers heart touched yet sadden that we barely survive, but we do. Only God knows why that we do.

I Believe Baby Boys are Born Brilliant Then Get Dumber Over Time

This is my theory. Boys are born brilliant then get dumber as they get older I swear this to be true at least in my family that is. I watched it happen to my nephew and I now see it in my son. In truth really its just a part of growing up and its hard growing up. We all know this we have all been there. I have not forgotten either in hopes that I can help my son adjusted to and feel compassion to what he is going through. To think when I was his age, not think with my adult mind for the adult mine does not get it nor really have compassion.

My son is 5 and in kindergarten and Independence is a big thing at this age. While he want to be a big boy now he still sometimes acts like he is 3 but thing is he was SOOOO MUCH well better behaved at 3 than he is at 5. What is up with that? He was much better behaved at 3 than he is at 5 its like he got dumbed down or something for he does know better. I sometimes wish he was THREE again! Or even two! Can there be terrible five's? As at wits ending as this can get it is pretty normal and all a part of growing up and finding out who he is. So I take a breath and have patience as I try to help him along and be there when ever he needs me.

School Is Now In Session

It is back to school now. We survived the first three days and it went okay...well sort of. He wanted to go in by himself and be a big boy. Something told me though to follow and I did and he had walked right past his class room. I called him and luckily got him to his classroom save. That so did not help the already nervousness I had. I did not cry though I did not cry. I have realized though nowthat I need to stock up on some snack for the child is near starvation when he gets off of school. Okay when is the boy not acting like he is near starvation I do not know. After the first day of school which was only half a day I had asked my son, " So how was school what you learn?"

His reply was, "Tomorrow is Cheeseburgers!" Out of all that was said they boy remembered what was going to be for lunch the next day! * shakes head* The boy loves his food. I see not basketball, or football like everyone else in the family wants him to be and sees him being, but I see chef in the future! For he just loves his food and to hang out in the kitchen with me while I cook.

It is all so strange though and surreal. My boy is in kindergarten and going to my old school I went to when I was a young. It hits you once again how much your sweet child has grown. In fact I think my son towers over all the kindergartens in his class actually. Wow does that bring back memories of always being the tall one. I really hate when people go wow he is so big or so tall when I say his age and that he is only 5. At least he is not chubby like I was. He is slender so he is big as in tall. I just think my city is filled with short people.

Ready for School to Start? Yes and No....

It is August and the summer is slowly coming to an end as School is to start up again...when I do not know and I should look into it but I have not yet. While I am of course eager for school to start again I am not. This year we start a new school. I know my son is nervous and so am I actually! It might sound strange but hey I take my parenting seriously and I'm in charge of protecting this little life. Kids are not just something you pop out and then its like La la la whatever. I am a parent involved in my son's life and I hope that is respected. Sometimes I feel I fail though but I try my hardest to do my best as a mom.

Why The Worry?

I am not sure why I am worried though, but maybe its I'm picking up on my son's worries. I made sure to keep fresh in his mind about starting a new school in helps in preparing him. I have noticed he is not one for change. He liked his old school and his teachers and friend, and he did not want a new ones. We talked and hope that I helped him understand that change is a part of life and to think of it as a new adventure and to meet new people. I am sure he will do fine though for he is a people person and loves people. He shall charm his new classmates in no time. Even the boy that did not like my son at first in preschool became his buddy in the end. Things will different though as no longer will he take the school bus. We are only a few blocks from the school so it's not that far. Which I like and do not like. While I missed taking and pick him up from school last year I did kind of like it too. I got an a few extra hours of time to myself which was nice. Was great when I was deathly sick and did not have to get in the car and drive. This year also though I believe is an all day kindergarten so that is definitely going to be a big change. He is used to coming home around 10 and 11am and then having lunch with mommy. I also am not looking forward to the early morning rises. What I love about my son is if you keep him up and extra hour you get an extra hour sleep in the morning which Mommy LIKE!

Well lets not worry and enjoy what little time left we have of the summer.

Breaking Down Momma

This would not be so bad if an innocent life was not caught in the middle. I confess I made a mess of my life all due to pride. I thought I was tough, I thought I could do it all on my own. Everyone was right I can not and I failed on epic propositions. If I had swallowed my pride sooner and asked for the help that I needed I would not be in this mess. All because I thought I could do this and I could do that. I did do what I had set out to do but sadly it was not enough. It could be enough but time waits for no one. I did finally give in though and applied for social security. Due to my back issues It has really impacted my life, which has lead to other things that totally has me in a messed up state. I love my son dearly but he is starting to seem like a devil to me as I try to explain that mommy back hurts her today. All I did was clean the house I am not sure really what cause it aside from I bended over a lot while cleaning and that is what caused the back pain. I was laid up for couple of days and it was a struggle to even wipe my own ass. I cried my eyes out foolishly as I finally gave in and dialed Social Security. I got told I was not alone and they had a lot of cases like mine. I guess I am not the only prideful person to not want to admit the are disabled.

I Try and Try

I tried and tried though. I knew I could not go back to the type of work I did before not even a desk job. I will never forget when my back issues first arrived I was working at a desk job. It was why I was one of the three chosen cause I had to take constant breaks my work slacked and I had missed a lot of work too. So logical choice when laying off people. I had decided though to get into writing again and be a writer once again. Building my writing empire has not been easy. I have come a long way and I am really working as a freelance writer. I work hard and I work for peanuts for what I get paid hardly cuts its. I just started though so I am hopeful to build myself up to be where I can be okay. Again though time does not stop to let you catch up and neither do the bills.

If Only

If only I has applied for Social Security sooner maybe things would be okay. Maybe we would not be in this mess. I have dragged and innocent 5 year old down with me all due to stupid pride. He is 5 he does not understand how poor and pathetic we are. I want to say I am so sorry Zachery I feel I failed you as a mommy. Just cause Mommy thought she could do it all by herself, all because she did not need anyone help. Now look at us. I'm going to probably lose Internet and any income that was coming in. Yes there is possibly the Library but I'm in a bad back pain spell so I'm really do not want to go anywhere cause I hurt so much. Will I be able to write with a 5 year old prancing about? What will I owe if I finally have to ask for help? No one gives without wanting something in return not even family.

That is the Life of this single mom

Sickly Start of the Summer

So far the Summer has been sickly. My son was not effected so much he had but some sniffles.When the kid coughs and sneezes in your face though you know your are doomed. The scratchy thoat was a sign. I had just gotten reover a bad case of Strep throat too. We made through the Memorial day parade but then after that was down hill for Mommy. I caught the dreaded sniffles which I think now turned into a sinus infection so Mommy is REALLY sick. Sadden that our family plans have been thwarted due to mommy being sick I happen to of made ammend with him by letting him eat ice cream and cookies for breakfast lunch and dinner cause I am too sick to cook and I really do not care and my voice is gone so I can not even yell to protest!

Still Gotta Work

One of the joys of being a freelance writer is getting to work at home. Even though I am sick I still can work. I probably should not of , but well when this is your source of income it makes it quite impossible. No writing equals no money so I still worked and being that I could work from home it really was not that awful. I was able to stay in bed and still work typing away at my assigments sipping my oragane juice and blowing my nose without contaminating the whole office. With the good comes with the bad though as I have my son who does not quite understand mommy is sick and in thinking mommy is sick she is a bit off her game and that he can get away with stuff. Sadly he learned even though mommy is sick she still sees all.

Graduating Pre-k! Next Kindergarten!

Yes school is out for summer! Today is the last day for preschoolers here. I am really going to miss his school. They were the most wonderful educators and they actually listened to my concerns no matter how big or small. Next school year shall be kindergarten. I am nervous and I of course I know my son is too. I told him Mommy is worried and scared too but we will face it together. I am very proud of him and cannot believe my boy is growing up so fast. Watching him I am just amazed he came from me that I brought him into this world. I dreamed of him and now here he is.

Summer and Working at Home

I now need to find something for him to do over the summer. Not only for my sanity but for his too I think. I am not really sure how I'm going balance him home all day and still trying to work. Work has picked up in the writing business and my son is not liking the increased workload. I have been writing since he has been born so he is used to this so I am not sure I guess it just hit him suddenly that he does not approve. I try to tell him Mommy is getting paid and we need money to buy things....but he still does not approve. We have a very nice routine actually. When he is off to school I get some work in then he is home and we have lunch and spend some time together talking bout school. Then usually at 1 or 2pm I go back to work. I am always available though if he needs me and I am usually done by 4 or 5pm in which I make dinner and we have family time the rest of the night till bedtime. I do workout though around 6pm and he does not like that either and told me he does not care if mommy is fat. Gotta love kids!

Working at Home Mom Not as Cool as You Thought

I think every mothers ideal job would be to be able to work at home and still take care of the kids, I know I did. Well I got my wish and I now realize its not so cool...especially if you get sick.

My son seems to be going through something and I am at total loss in what to do. It really is upsetting when you see your child suffer and you do not know how to help them. While all the while your falling apart your self. In these bad economic times there is stress and fractures in the family for kids do not totally comprehend things are different now due to a parent losing a job. I have I thought shielded my son from all that, but this time I do not think I have. My unemployment is totally gone so things are really tight. While I try to not show it I think I do and my son picks up on the stress and worry and thus act out. Or maybe he is just going through a phase I am not sure. He is just is not my same Zachery. He is good at school and that is a good thing but at home he is a hellion. I am a writer in case you have not noticed so my job is writing and it has now suddenly picked up and keeping me very busy. Well suddenly this does not bode well with my son. He want to play and mommy can not play. He knows our life routine and I play with him in the evening we have our time together. He also has been whining a lot, having tantrums for he does not get his way. Add on top of this I am sick as well not sure what the heck is wrong with me and I'm on so many medications It's hard to keep them straight and like two of them make your drowsy and so I am just walking through life like I am in a haze. I want to cry but tears won't come. I want to kill but my heart loves too much. I have kept being mom and working totally ignoring my health.

Sometimes Kids Know Best

Last night my son said Mommy no computer for I usually do some work while I sit by him and he goes to sleep. I agreed with him and we actually both fell asleep together. He went to sleep happily I could tell for he was all snuggled against me when I woke up realizing I had fallen asleep. Was that what the whole behavior outbursts are about? Could it be he acted our cause he could not play with mommy? Was he bored and wanted a playmate to play with? Well he is an only child and he needs to get used to it. Not matter what though at the end of the day Love always seem to find a way back.

Mother's Day 2010 Single Mom Style

A Mother's work is never done as I cleaned house. We clean every Sunday...well mostly. My son picks up his toys and then I vacuum. Sounds nice right? Well there is usually crying and some yelling but it does get done. Yesterday my Mother's day started out nice. I got to sleep in a bit and my son sweetly planted a kiss on my cheek and said Happy Mommy's Day. Sundays as I have said we clean house and I had wanted to for the house was messy long enough. Being that it's mommy's day could my son be good and help me clean house and pick up his toys? The answer was no and I so did not want to fight so I just cleaned up everything myself while my son played PlayStation2. I also have been a bit under the weather fighting a sore throat, allergies, but I did managed to have some fun with my son. We had went outside for a bit came in had lunch then played PlayStation 2 together. My son then mostly hung out with his aunt upstairs. A bit sadden yes, though this left me to have some TV time. I got to watch something other than Spongebob Squarepants. I also got to play some PlayStation2 myself but gods that game was stressful! We had a nicer evening after the argument of getting out of the shower now! We watched Good Luck Charlie on the Disney channel which my son adores and has been dying to see. After that it was bed time. I am very lucky for my son likes bed time for he is pooped at the end of the day and is more than happy to go to bed. I thanked him for a wonderful Mommy's day. He then asked, "Mommy's day is over?" I said, "Yes Zachery Mommy's day is over. Even though Mommy's day is a special day for mommy's we should always be good to our Mom's." My son replies, "I love you." I say, "I love you too Zachery."