My Son Lost His First Tooth!

Everyone celebrate my son finally lost his first tooth! I do admit I did get a little teary-eyed cause well hes my baby! As a mom I felt proud my son lost his first tooth! Plus the tooth came out OUR way. Auntie grumbled at us that the tooth should of come out sooner,and my son should of played with the tooth and kept wiggling it to make it come out. He is 6 years old and a loose tooth is the farest thing from his mind at the moment especially it being it the holiday season. Also we upset Auntie cause I did not apply a good enough explaination of if I was going to do the tooth fairy or not. Of course I was but my lack of again proper response made her blow up for I was apparently not going to be doing it right. Still no matter what we did it OUR way. And Yes Zachery will wake up having been visited by the toothfairy there was no doubt in that.

Get Ready for the Dysfunctional Holidays!

This Thanksgiving was the most dysfunctional Thanksgiving ever in the fact that we didn't really have one. Is it sad that I really did not mind? How dysfunctional is that? I'm really not looking forward to Christmas, and if I can possibly have just a little private Christmas with just me and my son that be nice. Is that cold and heartless of me? I do have family. An older sister she the only family member in my life. Our brother is MIA and her and my brother don't get along, and cousins...well they don't call and neither do we. My sister, my nephew, and brother in law are my family(and my son of course). Our Mom is gone and she and my uncle were really the glue that kept this family together. There was such love, yet we were all so messed up because nobody talked about the problems. They were like dirty little secrets that were in our family. It there a reason, or is this just genetic make up? Is this what happens when you have three kids all my different fathers? Is this just a cycle that started with our mother that is never going to end? Family is supposed to be there for you in good and bad, but that doesn't happen all the time. I have made sure to instill in my son that he can come to me no matter what and I will not judge him. Perhaps that is the problem in my family...I do not know. I do not see in myself how others see me. I know I portray myself perhaps as naive and innocent, but I'm really not. It is really hard though to convince your mother and your older sister that their little girl has grown up. For some reason I do not think they want me to fly. Sister dear do you want me to fly? Why do you then clip me with your tight harsh words. You know what our mother did to me. That is why you got out of the house for you knew what our mother was like, yet you didn't warn me what our mother could be like. 8 years I lived with the verbal abuse and controlling and you even contributed Mom always was protecting me from you. What is the secret I do not know? Why do you all feel that I cannot fly? I often wondered if you hated me. I often wonder how do you truly see me?

I worked hard in trying to heal and get over what my mother did to me. I seriously did not know how to function in society my mother has sheltered me and protected me from it all. At 25 I was like the mindset of a 18 year old...hell maybe 16 year old. I was lucky though to have some sort of eerie old world wisdom to me that I should not of had, but I did. I was doing well until I lost my job then it all went to hell. I was paying all our utilities plus a rent fee you could say. So my sister had it pretty good. I paid for hers and my electric and water and garbage. Now I am jobless and she is having to do this all on her own now. While it seems that it's kind of fair play I mean I took care of the bills for how long, and now little sister is down-in-out it seems all good, but it is not fair for she does have the whole mortgage to pay now. There is so many hidden reason as to why this is. It is both my fault as much as hers. I was weak and let her words hurt me, and she saw I was weak and used those words to hurt me. Instead of working together we worked against each other. Oh we tried to work together but we are just so opposite that it just does not work. I do not understand how her mind works, and she does not understand how my mind works. Plus the way my mind works seems to totally piss her off. I am trying to do things my way though, yet I guess I still have this innocent naivety in me that posses people to think I cannot function on my own. I'm though tired of trying to be controlled and told how I should do it, and even where I should work. That worked out soooo well at my last job I worked at which I was told I should apply to though I was TOTALLY unqualified for, and lied a bit to get it. That was one of the reasons I was on the layoff list is because 1. I sucked at it, and 2. My chronic back issue came into play. Our course to sister dear thinks I'm just being lazy and I need to go get a job. How does she know this? Is she in my body? Yes she is one tough cookie with an apparent high pain threshold, well good for her. Still she is not in my body so how does she know my pain is nothing and I'm lazy? She constantly tells me I'm lazy and worthless so I'm just being as she tells me I guess. Mom did a bit of the same thing to the point I got brainwashed and believed it. I thought I got past all that, but when she started throwing that all back at me I regressed, I freaked. Now I am what is being said about me and I do not want to be and I know I am not. Instead of yelling at me why not talk to me ask me what is wrong with your back lets look up some doctors that you can go to to figure out what the heck is wrong. I mean come on sister you know mother coddled me to no end and yes I am a bit simple when it comes to the outside world and how to do things. So you like to think yourself superior and better than me and you like that I apparently NEED you and I cannot leave without you. So help me get better or do you LIKE that I need you? Could you handle a world without your little sister?

My sister threaten to get my blog and comment that I'm full of crap about being a single mom and all alone. She wanted props for helping since I've been jobless, and yes she has helped and does not let me forget it. Well I have done an unmentionable for her, yet I do not ask for a single thing from her. I could hold this over her head and blackmail her, and ruin her. She was family so I did it and I do not expect any praise, nor do I expect anything in return. She apparently does want credit and props cause she is just awesome constantly putting me down, yet then being so great by buying my son things that he needs a cause I can not. I'm tired of the silence, but I'm not sure I can express it cause no one like to face the truth. My truth is probably all wrong and I'm still a whiny little snob, and we still got Christmas to survive again in hurtful words and silence.

Happiest Day of my Life My Son Was Born This Day!

On November 23rd 2004 after 15 hours of labor my son Zachery William Prince Cramlett was born. After looking at my life of 35 years so far this was truly the happiest day of my life. For those who read this Zachery was a blessing not an oops. Single motherhood I chose on my own. Some days I wonder why though, and then there are some days I am reminded aha that is why. Right now I'm having one of the those wonders why moments as we come down from the birthday high, and my daily dose of I'm a worthless loser mother. No this is not pity its desperate plea to understand where this all went wrong.

Yes thanks for all the love and support to my precious family out there. I thank you mom for sheltering me from the cold cruel world to where I can not now function in today's society. I thank you for trying to mold me to think, breath, and be you and lose all sense of myself. I thank you sister dear for seeing this weakness in me and starting to trash me again and to pick up where our beloved mother left off to try and control me into what you thought I should do. No matter what I say my words will never reach you. I am alone in this because I can never speak the truth of my heart because it does not want to be heard and dealt with. I am sorry now Zachery I let you into this crazy world. I thank you though for choosing me to be your mommy. I know I'm a good mommy to you, for you are totally happy and such a sweet little boy. It will be okay though and I shall just brush this off as another bad day.

Somethings a Mother Never Sacrfices

As parents we sacrifice a lot, yet there is one thing we do not. That is the happiness and welfare of our children. That is one thing I will not sacrifice. I will not endure if it causes risk to my son's well being and happiness. Another side will say, well all have to do things we don't want to do all for the sake of whatever and that I am denying my child. I do not think that is true and I will not sacrifice my child's well being and happiness just to be able to buy him more toys. He has plenty and his well being and happiness will reward him better in the long run than that shiny new toy that will break in 10 minuets.

Life of a single mom is always a struggle. I trying to make a go of my own freelance writing business and it is actually going well. Sadly due to it going so well might of lost some clients but hey I can only write so fast and I want them to order on my terms not a third party website that takes 14 days to get my funds, but I digress. Still this is a slow process and I wonder if it will ever be enough. The holidays are now approaching as well as my son' birthday. Will I be able to have party for him? What about Christmas? Again I'm in a threatening situation will we pull through this year? Still fighting for disability for I will not risk my son's happiness by risking my health to try and work. Last time I tried I just did some volunteer work and stressed my back. I was in pain for two weeks, yet I still had to be super mom and it took its toll which caused me to lash out at my son. He drew of picture of mommy yelling at him and that is where I stopped. This is what it will be like if I try to go out and work. Is that the kind of life I want my child to have his mother always yelling at him with horrible words that she is going to kill him, she wish she never had him. Then cry for she never meant to say those things or yell at him. I do not want that life for my son. A mother never means those words. It was the pain talking...it was the pain. Maybe if she buys him a new video game he will forgive her. I want my child to love me for loving him not cause I can buy him things. I will suceed though in my alternative, I pray and hope.

My Sweetest Little Boy

Well we are not the richest folks around. In fact to vast majority of the world I really am not employed but I am. I get to work at home as a freelance writer. People with familiar with freelance writing know the pay kind of sucks. My son has a piggy bank and he saves his money and he does things to earn money as well. They say it's never too young to teach the young ones the value of the dollar. With money tight the end of the month can be a real struggle. My son though saves the day offering to use his money to buy us food. The boy has really developed a love of food. I think it's due to our always near starvation at the end of the month. Either way he is the sweetest little boy who offers to use his money to help buy us food till we get our food at the first of the month. This makes a mothers heart touched yet sadden that we barely survive, but we do. Only God knows why that we do.

I Believe Baby Boys are Born Brilliant Then Get Dumber Over Time

This is my theory. Boys are born brilliant then get dumber as they get older I swear this to be true at least in my family that is. I watched it happen to my nephew and I now see it in my son. In truth really its just a part of growing up and its hard growing up. We all know this we have all been there. I have not forgotten either in hopes that I can help my son adjusted to and feel compassion to what he is going through. To think when I was his age, not think with my adult mind for the adult mine does not get it nor really have compassion.

My son is 5 and in kindergarten and Independence is a big thing at this age. While he want to be a big boy now he still sometimes acts like he is 3 but thing is he was SOOOO MUCH well better behaved at 3 than he is at 5. What is up with that? He was much better behaved at 3 than he is at 5 its like he got dumbed down or something for he does know better. I sometimes wish he was THREE again! Or even two! Can there be terrible five's? As at wits ending as this can get it is pretty normal and all a part of growing up and finding out who he is. So I take a breath and have patience as I try to help him along and be there when ever he needs me.

School Is Now In Session

It is back to school now. We survived the first three days and it went okay...well sort of. He wanted to go in by himself and be a big boy. Something told me though to follow and I did and he had walked right past his class room. I called him and luckily got him to his classroom save. That so did not help the already nervousness I had. I did not cry though I did not cry. I have realized though nowthat I need to stock up on some snack for the child is near starvation when he gets off of school. Okay when is the boy not acting like he is near starvation I do not know. After the first day of school which was only half a day I had asked my son, " So how was school what you learn?"

His reply was, "Tomorrow is Cheeseburgers!" Out of all that was said they boy remembered what was going to be for lunch the next day! * shakes head* The boy loves his food. I see not basketball, or football like everyone else in the family wants him to be and sees him being, but I see chef in the future! For he just loves his food and to hang out in the kitchen with me while I cook.

It is all so strange though and surreal. My boy is in kindergarten and going to my old school I went to when I was a young. It hits you once again how much your sweet child has grown. In fact I think my son towers over all the kindergartens in his class actually. Wow does that bring back memories of always being the tall one. I really hate when people go wow he is so big or so tall when I say his age and that he is only 5. At least he is not chubby like I was. He is slender so he is big as in tall. I just think my city is filled with short people.

Ready for School to Start? Yes and No....

It is August and the summer is slowly coming to an end as School is to start up again...when I do not know and I should look into it but I have not yet. While I am of course eager for school to start again I am not. This year we start a new school. I know my son is nervous and so am I actually! It might sound strange but hey I take my parenting seriously and I'm in charge of protecting this little life. Kids are not just something you pop out and then its like La la la whatever. I am a parent involved in my son's life and I hope that is respected. Sometimes I feel I fail though but I try my hardest to do my best as a mom.

Why The Worry?

I am not sure why I am worried though, but maybe its I'm picking up on my son's worries. I made sure to keep fresh in his mind about starting a new school in helps in preparing him. I have noticed he is not one for change. He liked his old school and his teachers and friend, and he did not want a new ones. We talked and hope that I helped him understand that change is a part of life and to think of it as a new adventure and to meet new people. I am sure he will do fine though for he is a people person and loves people. He shall charm his new classmates in no time. Even the boy that did not like my son at first in preschool became his buddy in the end. Things will different though as no longer will he take the school bus. We are only a few blocks from the school so it's not that far. Which I like and do not like. While I missed taking and pick him up from school last year I did kind of like it too. I got an a few extra hours of time to myself which was nice. Was great when I was deathly sick and did not have to get in the car and drive. This year also though I believe is an all day kindergarten so that is definitely going to be a big change. He is used to coming home around 10 and 11am and then having lunch with mommy. I also am not looking forward to the early morning rises. What I love about my son is if you keep him up and extra hour you get an extra hour sleep in the morning which Mommy LIKE!

Well lets not worry and enjoy what little time left we have of the summer.

Breaking Down Momma

This would not be so bad if an innocent life was not caught in the middle. I confess I made a mess of my life all due to pride. I thought I was tough, I thought I could do it all on my own. Everyone was right I can not and I failed on epic propositions. If I had swallowed my pride sooner and asked for the help that I needed I would not be in this mess. All because I thought I could do this and I could do that. I did do what I had set out to do but sadly it was not enough. It could be enough but time waits for no one. I did finally give in though and applied for social security. Due to my back issues It has really impacted my life, which has lead to other things that totally has me in a messed up state. I love my son dearly but he is starting to seem like a devil to me as I try to explain that mommy back hurts her today. All I did was clean the house I am not sure really what cause it aside from I bended over a lot while cleaning and that is what caused the back pain. I was laid up for couple of days and it was a struggle to even wipe my own ass. I cried my eyes out foolishly as I finally gave in and dialed Social Security. I got told I was not alone and they had a lot of cases like mine. I guess I am not the only prideful person to not want to admit the are disabled.

I Try and Try

I tried and tried though. I knew I could not go back to the type of work I did before not even a desk job. I will never forget when my back issues first arrived I was working at a desk job. It was why I was one of the three chosen cause I had to take constant breaks my work slacked and I had missed a lot of work too. So logical choice when laying off people. I had decided though to get into writing again and be a writer once again. Building my writing empire has not been easy. I have come a long way and I am really working as a freelance writer. I work hard and I work for peanuts for what I get paid hardly cuts its. I just started though so I am hopeful to build myself up to be where I can be okay. Again though time does not stop to let you catch up and neither do the bills.

If Only

If only I has applied for Social Security sooner maybe things would be okay. Maybe we would not be in this mess. I have dragged and innocent 5 year old down with me all due to stupid pride. He is 5 he does not understand how poor and pathetic we are. I want to say I am so sorry Zachery I feel I failed you as a mommy. Just cause Mommy thought she could do it all by herself, all because she did not need anyone help. Now look at us. I'm going to probably lose Internet and any income that was coming in. Yes there is possibly the Library but I'm in a bad back pain spell so I'm really do not want to go anywhere cause I hurt so much. Will I be able to write with a 5 year old prancing about? What will I owe if I finally have to ask for help? No one gives without wanting something in return not even family.

That is the Life of this single mom

Sickly Start of the Summer

So far the Summer has been sickly. My son was not effected so much he had but some sniffles.When the kid coughs and sneezes in your face though you know your are doomed. The scratchy thoat was a sign. I had just gotten reover a bad case of Strep throat too. We made through the Memorial day parade but then after that was down hill for Mommy. I caught the dreaded sniffles which I think now turned into a sinus infection so Mommy is REALLY sick. Sadden that our family plans have been thwarted due to mommy being sick I happen to of made ammend with him by letting him eat ice cream and cookies for breakfast lunch and dinner cause I am too sick to cook and I really do not care and my voice is gone so I can not even yell to protest!

Still Gotta Work

One of the joys of being a freelance writer is getting to work at home. Even though I am sick I still can work. I probably should not of , but well when this is your source of income it makes it quite impossible. No writing equals no money so I still worked and being that I could work from home it really was not that awful. I was able to stay in bed and still work typing away at my assigments sipping my oragane juice and blowing my nose without contaminating the whole office. With the good comes with the bad though as I have my son who does not quite understand mommy is sick and in thinking mommy is sick she is a bit off her game and that he can get away with stuff. Sadly he learned even though mommy is sick she still sees all.

Graduating Pre-k! Next Kindergarten!

Yes school is out for summer! Today is the last day for preschoolers here. I am really going to miss his school. They were the most wonderful educators and they actually listened to my concerns no matter how big or small. Next school year shall be kindergarten. I am nervous and I of course I know my son is too. I told him Mommy is worried and scared too but we will face it together. I am very proud of him and cannot believe my boy is growing up so fast. Watching him I am just amazed he came from me that I brought him into this world. I dreamed of him and now here he is.

Summer and Working at Home

I now need to find something for him to do over the summer. Not only for my sanity but for his too I think. I am not really sure how I'm going balance him home all day and still trying to work. Work has picked up in the writing business and my son is not liking the increased workload. I have been writing since he has been born so he is used to this so I am not sure I guess it just hit him suddenly that he does not approve. I try to tell him Mommy is getting paid and we need money to buy things....but he still does not approve. We have a very nice routine actually. When he is off to school I get some work in then he is home and we have lunch and spend some time together talking bout school. Then usually at 1 or 2pm I go back to work. I am always available though if he needs me and I am usually done by 4 or 5pm in which I make dinner and we have family time the rest of the night till bedtime. I do workout though around 6pm and he does not like that either and told me he does not care if mommy is fat. Gotta love kids!

Working at Home Mom Not as Cool as You Thought

I think every mothers ideal job would be to be able to work at home and still take care of the kids, I know I did. Well I got my wish and I now realize its not so cool...especially if you get sick.

My son seems to be going through something and I am at total loss in what to do. It really is upsetting when you see your child suffer and you do not know how to help them. While all the while your falling apart your self. In these bad economic times there is stress and fractures in the family for kids do not totally comprehend things are different now due to a parent losing a job. I have I thought shielded my son from all that, but this time I do not think I have. My unemployment is totally gone so things are really tight. While I try to not show it I think I do and my son picks up on the stress and worry and thus act out. Or maybe he is just going through a phase I am not sure. He is just is not my same Zachery. He is good at school and that is a good thing but at home he is a hellion. I am a writer in case you have not noticed so my job is writing and it has now suddenly picked up and keeping me very busy. Well suddenly this does not bode well with my son. He want to play and mommy can not play. He knows our life routine and I play with him in the evening we have our time together. He also has been whining a lot, having tantrums for he does not get his way. Add on top of this I am sick as well not sure what the heck is wrong with me and I'm on so many medications It's hard to keep them straight and like two of them make your drowsy and so I am just walking through life like I am in a haze. I want to cry but tears won't come. I want to kill but my heart loves too much. I have kept being mom and working totally ignoring my health.

Sometimes Kids Know Best

Last night my son said Mommy no computer for I usually do some work while I sit by him and he goes to sleep. I agreed with him and we actually both fell asleep together. He went to sleep happily I could tell for he was all snuggled against me when I woke up realizing I had fallen asleep. Was that what the whole behavior outbursts are about? Could it be he acted our cause he could not play with mommy? Was he bored and wanted a playmate to play with? Well he is an only child and he needs to get used to it. Not matter what though at the end of the day Love always seem to find a way back.

Mother's Day 2010 Single Mom Style

A Mother's work is never done as I cleaned house. We clean every Sunday...well mostly. My son picks up his toys and then I vacuum. Sounds nice right? Well there is usually crying and some yelling but it does get done. Yesterday my Mother's day started out nice. I got to sleep in a bit and my son sweetly planted a kiss on my cheek and said Happy Mommy's Day. Sundays as I have said we clean house and I had wanted to for the house was messy long enough. Being that it's mommy's day could my son be good and help me clean house and pick up his toys? The answer was no and I so did not want to fight so I just cleaned up everything myself while my son played PlayStation2. I also have been a bit under the weather fighting a sore throat, allergies, but I did managed to have some fun with my son. We had went outside for a bit came in had lunch then played PlayStation 2 together. My son then mostly hung out with his aunt upstairs. A bit sadden yes, though this left me to have some TV time. I got to watch something other than Spongebob Squarepants. I also got to play some PlayStation2 myself but gods that game was stressful! We had a nicer evening after the argument of getting out of the shower now! We watched Good Luck Charlie on the Disney channel which my son adores and has been dying to see. After that it was bed time. I am very lucky for my son likes bed time for he is pooped at the end of the day and is more than happy to go to bed. I thanked him for a wonderful Mommy's day. He then asked, "Mommy's day is over?" I said, "Yes Zachery Mommy's day is over. Even though Mommy's day is a special day for mommy's we should always be good to our Mom's." My son replies, "I love you." I say, "I love you too Zachery."

Family Resemblance

My son wanted to play with my camera the other day so I decided to let him with my help of course as we took pictures of different things...well mostly him being silly. If I tried to take a picture of anything other than him though he would jump in the way and say CHEEESE!! Apparently he is to be my only object beauty. I took an awesome up close picture of him and in looking at it I finally saw what everyone else had said. He does look like me!!!! To prove this more I took a picture of myself and compared the two and was just stunned. He is totally my son! Like there was any doubt though I endured 15 hours of labor you bet your sweet bippy he is mine. What I mean is though he is I really do not see any resemblance to his "sperm donor" I refuse to say father for he was not I think my biological clock took over my body and thought this man was the best to breed with. I knew Id have beautiful children when I saw the man and he was way younger too so like seriously was there any hope? He wanted a mommy replacement too I think but I am not still bitter nooooo.

For your enjoyment here are the pictures can you see the family resemblance?

The Joys of Teaching Sharing

My son is five....is this still the right age to toally not understand sharing. I would think he would understand the concept by now. They talk about in school and I have not gotten any complaints that he is not getting it. At home we talk about sharing and I always show by example and share my things with him. I have seen him be nice and share in public with others. Perhaps this is a phase he is going through I do not know. We are in some hard times, but I try to make sure he is happy and does not know. Perhaps he knows more than I think. I have been a bit high strung and stressed not feeling well so perhaps my Patience is just a bit thin and I'm getting more irritated easier for I'm in pain all the time. All I can do is continue on telling him its okay to share. What was the drama about and what did he have to share being that he is the only child?

SCOOBY DOO VIDEO GAME!

My sister and her husband have a PlayStation2 and quite a game collection. He sees them and wants to play some of their games. My sister likes the cartoon type games (even though she is a grown woman of 44) and of course they let him play some of their games. I have also started my sons on his own a game collection he loves Scooby and Spongebob so with help of video game store clerk we find the best games for my son to play that contain Scooby and Spongebob. Well now my sister comes and wants to play one of his games. She asks my son can she play and of course he says no, but offers her another game to play just not his Scooby Doo. My sister being the peter pan-tress that she is says, no she wants to play Scooby Doo. All hell breaks loose. I handle this the best I can with not feeling so well. My sister wins of course cause she is the grown up and plus she always has to win or she will throw her own tantrum. How do you deal with an adult who throws tantrums if they do not get their way? Still though my son needs to learn about sharing and we are also working on his tantrums too. Ah the joys of parenting there are some days I wonder why? No one listens to me why do I even bother? BLEH!

The Independence of Zachery

I have come to a realization my son is at his independent stage. He is five(5) years old so this quite natural for a child to start wanting to do things themselves. As my son want to take charge. I have to now take a step back and let him. This is a strange feeling as his dependence on me is not so much anymore. It is nice yet strange for wow he does not need me that much anymore.

I'm a Big Boy Now

We were off to the supermarket today and I got my son in the booster seat and buckled him up I was about to close the door when he stopped me. "I can do it myself," said my son. Sure enough he closed the car door he also showed me he could open it back up again too. Oh gee am I in trouble. I then go to lock the car door on him for I can just see him trying to open the door while were driving for he thinks its cool now he can open the car door. I then find out he can also unlock the door so I brush my parental nightmare out of my head of my son opening the car door while in traffic and trust he is not that psychotic. We arrive at the store and to my surprise he unbuckled his own seat belt and got out of the car my himself! I was just stunned. While yes this is quite normal its just wow to me that my little baby is growing up and he is getting dependant on his own and I'm just so amazed at him. Yet he still thinks he not big enough to go bring his dishes into the kitchen after dinner though of course.

When being a Single Mom Stands Out

When being a Single Mom stands out is when things fall apart and it's just me. If I had a husband if one of us failed there would be support of another. If something happens to me it is just me and the only parent my son has even known and the person that he loves and adores that promised to protect him and be there for him who he can go to anytime and they will not judge him could be not the same Mommy as she used to be.

When it Rains it Pours

My fridge is making strange noises, my unemployment is totally gone now, My gas bill is way past due, I have other bills that I share with my sister, but she is not even giving them the time of day, I could have a possible work at home job but I need a computer and now my computer has decided to start messing up on me. How am I to work if I do not have my computer or money to get it fixed? Add onto that crippling back pain I really am having a hard time wondering which end is up.

Disability

I believe I am going to apply for disability again. It is worth a shot and My back is not getting any better and I have these flares up especially if I do past my limit. My back had been doing well and I tend to forget and go beyond my limit and I end up paying for it badly. Who knew shopping could cause me to be laid up and hit with body freezing spams? That is rule number one for me I cannot stand for long periods of time. Nor can I sit for today I was sitting on my bed watching my son play video games and I go to get up at a tearing pain him me. All I did was sit but I sat too long. That is why I have a laptop not a PC because with a laptop I do not have to be still. The most comfortable way for me to type is on my knees I kneel beside my bed with my laptop on my bed and it's perfect with no stress on my back really. Right now I am a bit scared for I have nothing, and I cannot do a normal job. So what am I to do? I am not making this up my back pain is really limiting me. This is where being a Single Mom really stands out.

Blessed Easter

We had a wonderful Easter here and I am very grateful that I was able to give my son an Easter that I hope he remembers fondly. He had been so excited for "Bunny Day" as he called it.This years theme was SpongeBob Squarepants. I planted the Easter basket outside out front door to make it look like the Easter bunny left it. There was one gift that did not fit in the basket so I said it was from me. He was so excited for it was a play dough set that he had been wanting.

Another exciting thing was we had a Easter egg hunt. I normally do not do this but my sister bought some with toys already inside them for us to do. It was really fun! After the egg hunt I started the Easter lunch. My sister bought a prepare meal already so I cooked that up for she had to go to work that day. We did not like the side dishes that came with the prepared me so I whipped up some of our normal traditional sides we have like scallop Potatoes and a green bean casserole which was a first for me. After the delicious meal we then went outside and worked it off playing bubbles and doing chalk art, then it was inside for dessert time!

I am so blessed to of been able to have a wonderful Easter for my son. I thank you Father for all the you endured to help make it so.

Mama Bear Syndrome

What is the Mama Bear Syndrome? The Mama Bear Syndome is based on the bears of the wild. A mother bear is very protective of her cubs and will maul anyone limb from limb if someone trys to harm their cubs. I have discovered that this is me as well. Most mother's out there can relate and also have the Mother Bear Syndrome. We love our children dearly and hell hath no fury if someone harms our loved ones most of all our children. I mentioned in my previous entry that my son was sick. I was thinking it was the flu but something stood out to me that it was something more, something ws not right. I listened to that instinct and took my son to the Doctor. Seems he is severely constipated. I guess he is so constipated that what ever he eats comes right back up. He was given some powered laxtitive that is to help. You can put it in water or juice so my son has the best tasting medicine around, yet it is still torture for him to take it. This morning was a bit hard to get him to drink down his juice, so he drank some then drank the rest later.


Mama Bear Mode

I was quite the grizzley person when my son was not doing well. I was quite concerned and worried a bit insanely about what could be wrong with him, what if this medication does not work and he is still no going poo? How is he going to live? Should I send him back to school? I wanted blood from my doctor that he is so greedy to double book two paitents at the same time and we arrived frist and the other lady go to go in right away. I was ticked he just blew this off as constipation when he was vomiting up everytime he eats. Vomiting after eating is not right, and he vomited again that night after we got home after dinner. Is my doctor sure this is just constipation? I tried to call Ask a Nurse, but that feature has been removed over here. To find a site online to ask a Doctor or Nurse online was going to cost me which made growl even more that I could not find any answers to my childs plight, and healthcare was going to need HEALTH CARE once I was done with it. I was seeing red and no one was going to dismiss my child just cause we were on medical card. I got talked down thankfully and he did poo Saturday. Today he is a little stuck and I have been keeping him on smaller portion meals. My son is quite known for his crazy appetite so he now has to eat very small so we do not have the upchuck incident again. That is untill he starts to get his bowels moving again. Still his mighty appetite remains which it is amazing and all I hear is. "MY TUMMY HUNGRY." *face palms*.

Vomit is the Worst

My little baby boo is sick...at least I think. This kid bounces back so quickly it can make your head spin. Colds never come to fruition (though they do in mommy sadly) and the kid can vomit one minute and then want pizza and macaroni and cheese the next. I do not understand how he can think of food after puking his guts out but that seems to be the case.

Never Getting Past It

When you become a mom nothing phases you anymore. Boogers, snotty noses, bleeding knees, poop diapers, spit up then throw ups...wait yes that still bothers you. I can handle all those other things but vomit it still grosses me out. At least I did not get spewed on this time what a relief!

Still No School

While he is better I can not send him back to school tomorrow. He has to be symptom free for so many hours I have forgotten I think its 48 hours, Last year I learned this for he was sick then I took him to school the next day and got told to go back home with him. It really suck and so people say it babying the kids. For the work world is unforgiving if your are sick and miss work.

But they are also trying to make sure that the spread of sickness is not wide spread when it knocks a whole entire classroom out. Had that happen once when I worked with kid the virus spread like wild fire and each kid was hit . So I don't know either way we got another day at home. My son is sad for he has to miss school. That makes me smile cause when teen years hit that may probably change.