Single Mom and Dreaded "D" Word: DATING!!!!!

Because I am a single mom does not mean I and dead to the world. Which is what I thought, I thought I was trash used damage goods and I was a mom now and I did not deserve to do anything but be a mom. I had closed myself off for 5 years. I am now healed some what and I am ready to open myself up to possible love again. Thing is how now that I have a child? Today's blog I'm posting links to my latest article that got published of recent on Beyond Jane.com

SINGLE MOTHERHOOD AND DATING PART1http://beyondjane.com/relationships/dating/single-motherhood-and-dating/

PART 2: http://beyondjane.com/family/motherhood/single-motherhood-and-dating-part-two-family/

As I mention in my articles that I do not want my son involved in my dating. I never let the child meet the man if If I happen to get taken out. It really difficult to do though and I just maybe breaking my rule of thumb, but also this man could be someone I want to be in my life and he actually asks how me and my son are doing whenever we talk. Which most guys don't even care to know or respect that fact that I am a mom. Maybe its because I'm an older single mom, but my desperation of having a boyfriend is not my top priority. Yes I would like to date again and have a man, but no man is coming before my child. It will be awhile before I trust him alone with my child. I'm honored and all that you accept me and my son but he is not your responsibility he is mine. We were doing just find before he stepped in. I even kind of don't want a man cause me and my son have such a perfect world and we can be goofy and silly in a pajamas on Saturday mornings. I leave it up to the fates to decide.

Okay Im Selling AVON...HELP ME!

With the lovely unemployment crisis, that and my health has limits on what I can do I am finding it tough to find work. I am a writer but it's not instant gratification. I have also been doing online surveys and I have made money on that, but as writing it all takes time to build that up. Ive made 15 bucks so far in taking surveys which is not that bad. I have not cashed out yet cause I at least want to make it up to twenty.

AVON Calling

I got a email on a job notice and clicked it on to see it was an advertisement to become an Avon Representative. I pondered this for awhile then decided to give it a go. My mother sold Avon so I am familiar with it. They also have the only product that works on my sensitive skin and does not make me break out. Thing is I do not know that many people and I'm a bit anti social. I don't go out much for some various reasons. A plus side is that you can have your own online store (View mine here www.avonrepresentative.com/jcramlett) and I felt I might have success in that with all my writing connections and friends I have online. So we shall see. A part of me is doubtful and not only do I have to self promote my writing I also have to self promote my selling Avon.

Like Every Other Mom

Like every other mom I want to be a full time mom and I am and I want to keep it like that. Me and my son have this amazing bond. I write during the day and we spend time in the evenings and its just great. I get to work closely with him on his life trying to point the right way. I am a stubborn mom and I refuse to give that up. I fight tooth and nail to get by and do what I love which is write and be a mom to my Zachery.

Will Avon be my key and success? I do not know. All I know is I got faith.

Never Tell A Child Maybe

I have learned that you never tell a child maybe. Maybe is a death sentence to tears and broken hearts. My Sisters husband has a tendency to tell my son he is going to do something with him then totally forgets he ever promised the boy anything. Of course him and my sister blame the child like he has a devious evil mind. The boy is 5 and while stupid the boy is not there are still some limits to his brain genius. Of course he is going to think you mean now. I am not sure what promise the man made he claims he did not promise he said "Maybe" about taking my son somewhere and then my son comes to me saying he is going out with his uncle like now. So I have to go upstairs ask what going on. This is constant occurrence though that is getting tiresome. The man is known to say fun day things to my son, but never plans on really doing it. He also always says I'm gonna do this, or I will bring you back that and then he forgets. My son did not forget and wonders why his uncle did not bring him back anything like he said he was going to. You do not really have to take child psychology 101 to know the kid is going to remember what you said and expect you to follow through with what you say. It seems children learn disappointment early in age. I know somethings can not be helped and I consider those healthy disappointments it's a part of life and healthy,but when the same person disappoints every time it's a bit heart breaking. You wonder do they care? So thus I learned never tell a child MAybe.

Parent and Child bond and Going Beyond

The bond between a parent and a child is amazing. Especially a Mother and her offspring. You hear of stories of Mothers like having a sixth sense and knowing something is not right with their child and finding out they were right. They are all interesting stories but you can not truly understand it until your a parent I think the amazing bond two humans can have.

Paranormal bond?

I think perhaps me and my son have a paranormal bond, or maybe its just a parent child bond to the extreme full capacity. The other day I am in the kitchen cooking dinner and I think to myself I better tell my son to pick up his toys for its almost dinner time. I then I hear Mommy mommy and turn and look and there he is. He then tells me, "Mommy I cleaned up my toys." I reply, "Huh? Oh!" I follow him to the bedroom where the toy mess was, and sure enough his toys were picked up. I was like wow I was just going to tell him that. A random coincidence you would say except we had another mind melt moment.

Feelings from afar

Another incident happened was I was out on my birthday. It was really foggy on the way home and I was a bit scared. When I tucked my son into bed when I got home he then woke up asking me if I was scared. I looked at him a bit perplexed, and told him yes but mommy is okay now. How did he know I was scared? I do not think of it as psychic or paranormal it is just the bond and closeness of a Mother and her child.

Consequences of Actions

Right now I am working with my son to understand consequences of actions. Normally he is a very good boy in school. At home he is different but at least at school he knows to behave. As of late though I have been getting notes mentioning he is not doing his work. He messes around thinking he is cute and totally blow what he is to do off. He does this at home too. I called his teacher for I wanted to know more and wonder why he is acting out. I had some theories of his hanging around his Aunt and Uncle and Cousin had something to do with it for they are not the best role models in my book. I wondered does his personality change after being with them? Was it due to my going out for my birthday? It was like after that everything just went to hell. The teacher thinks that if my son feels he has a hard time doing something then he shuts down and does not want to do it. This could be true, but I am a parent at their wits end.

Punishment

He did get punished for his behavior and he got no treat at the store, lost his PlayStation time too. I also advised his Aunt and Uncle too he gets no treats. They are always stocked with snacks and goodies that his Uncle loves to give him when he is there to visit. My son has a sweet tooth like no get out and wants a dessert after every meal. Trying to teach him that no he does not need a treat after every meal he eats and he need to slow down on his treats consumption, or I give him a healthy alternative like fruits. I have also noticed is I think he does not understand the consequences of actions. He thinks if he bugs the hell out of mama enough I will crack and give in and sometimes I really want to. He really drives you to that point. I wonder does he grasp that if he naughty punishment follows? I think he does but he is just a 5 year old boy testing out his limits once again. Once again today we had the war of the worlds with my son wanting to spend time with his aunt and once again she yelling at him to get away from her. He is just an excited boy that loves and want to spend time with her. Due to her rejection I do swear he does stuff the annoys her on purpose, or maybe she is just an uptight bitch in her older age that does not allow freedom of growth to be a kid anymore. I just wish it to stop as I am tired of being referee of something I do not see as all that horrible. I see no wrong in my son wanting to spend time and cuddle hug with his aunt. She is not that type of person though either which I know all to well from my childhood with her, but my son is and its hard for him to understand. I was like this as well. I did not know that you can't just hug everyone and thus I became seriously shy and kept to myself. Will that become of my son? It may not be so bad if my sister was nicer about it and not yelling like a banshee to him to get out of her sight. He then might understand on the days she does not want to be bothered. Her husband is a bit more easy going and he is not like that with my son really cause he is open and welcome to the love and when Uncle says no my son respects it. Uncle though does have a bad habit of making promises and not following through disappointing a little boys heart. Well for now their is peace.

My Baby Gotta Crush!!

It is official my son has his first crush!!! I was not sure at first, but once again he commented about her and I'm like awwww!!! My baby has his first crush!!! I know my nephew liked Whitney Houston when he was his age, and I oddly had a crush on John Denver because he was with the Muppet's.Whomever was with the Muppet's was a god to me.

Selena Gomez!

She is my son's first crush. She stars on the Disney Channels Emmy winning show Wizards of Waverly Place. Of course like most Disney channel kids she can sing too and has her own group and album. When ever her video plays (which is constantly) my son comments she is pretty. I then begin to go aww my baby has a crush!! He then denies it saying she is ugly no no no. It is so cute! The video came on again of recent and again he comments to me she is pretty. We watch Wizards of Waverly Place a lot now. Before he really did not care for this show not wanting to watch it. I would say we are watching it for it is a lot better than whatever else he wanted to watch, or it was more tolerable than what he wanted to watch. A woman can only take so much Spongebob Squarepants before she wants to run away screaming. Now when given a choice he goes yeah to Wizards of Waverly Place.

I Approve!

I also approve of his choice in crush as well for she is a cute girl. I just can't get over it my baby got his first crush!!! And there will be more to come oh no...

The effects of Dr. Seuss

My son is currently on a reading kick. Which I squeal in delight and could not be happier. He has always like to read but now suddenly he is REALLY into it.He wants to read at least one book every night, which I am more that happy to fulfill his little delight. In our book case though is the Dr. Seuss books, and The Bernstein's Bears with Mama and Papa and Brother and Sister too! We have other books but Dr. Seuss seems to be the one and he makes reading lots of fun. We read a book at least one a night, sometimes two and once in awhile it's the same book twice.

What I did not know is there is quite a side effect from reading Dr. Seuss that I did not know of yet. In Being a writer myself I found myself rhyming a lot in spite of myself. I pondered and furrowed wondered what's up. Why was I rhyming so much? It then finally hit me today that in reading Dr. Seuss makes you want to rhythm without reason! Here I'm trying to write and I end up making rhythms which does not help me a lot! So be careful, beware when your read a lot of Dr. Seuss for you'll find yourself rhyming like moose and squirrel. Most of all green eggs and ham...yes I do like them Sam I am.

Sin's of a Mother

It seems it is a sin to have some adult time and enjoy fellow friends and company. I feel like I'm being punished cause I went out and had some fun. I had not been out in a very long time. I do not want to go out all the time really. I am devoted to being a Mommy. As parents though we sometimes get worn out a bit and it is vital that we have some personal time. So It was my birthday so I went out. I also went out last week end too with a friend for a belated birthday dinner. Wow I went out two weekends in a row! My sister watched my son but I almost did not get to go out. It was like I was prisoner and she was the warren. She then said I should say thank you to her. Well it was night and I focusing to wake my child up cause I cant carry him down the stairs to my place. Plus I really dislike her and want to get away from her as soon as possible. But here its like she demanded a thank you, and that I act like she was just supposed to. If did I would of done what she did to our Mother and just say bye! Then go out every Friday night. I do not recall she ever asked our Mother to babysit, in fact I remember our Mom complaining to me that she gets taken for granted and just assumes our Mother would watch her kid. I did ASK her if she could watch my son. I had to also tell when I was going, who I was with, when I was coming back like I was some teenager. To be honest I don't mind but when its presented with a force of controlling me and being nosey and prying into my life it a bit off putting. I am a very good prisoner though and I do not request to go out every night like she did. She forgets her own wrong doings and is only a saint to herself in her eyes.

Apparently it's a Sin to go out for my child is suddenly being very hard to deal with. Or maybe its just my ear is hurting so my patience level is small. Or maybe he is just being a little bit naughty of late and I wonder is this cause I went out? I know he was a bit upset of me leaving him. He was having Mommy withdrawals and comments on he missed me. So is his recent acting up a getting back at Mommy for going out? I had to ground him today from my sister cause his manners were lacking and said "Gimme pizza" and did not add the please and told her no to something. She is apparently queen and you don't say no to her. Seriously you don't I would not let her use my end table for her second Christmas tree. Yes she for some reason wanted to have two small trees up for Christmas. Was not necessary and she was not using my table and she at what 44 years of age kept on and whined trying to persuade me to let me let her use my end table. I have a lamp on the table where would I put my lamp? I don't have much decor anyway! She then got venomously ugly stating I was scum of earth and that she was not sharing Christmas dinner with me. Of course she cooled down and she found something else to set her tree on and all was good. I try and tell my son that she is not quite that nice, but by damned he is out to win her over with love or something. He just wants to love her and hang out with her. She does give him hugs and kisses but then it's buh bye and no he want to spend quality time. I then get a called saying to keep my child away from her. I think they bring out the badness in him or something. The reason I am stressed and had to get after him is just cause he annoyed his bitch Aunt somehow. He is just excited and loves her. Its rare he gets to spend time with her so he is a little erratic when he sees her. Its a constant thing. He always trying to sneak up there and hang out and its just a battle. My gods! spend time with the kid watch a movie, do some crafts quality time. Though maybe not cause they can't go without their pot for that long. In coming home last weekend I swear I smelled pot smoke in the air. If they smoked pot while my son was there sleeping! I can't confront on that or I will never get to leave my home ever again. She is just hell on wheels and her tongue cuts, she just might of well stabbed me cause when she attacks me it kills me a little bit each time. She does wonderful things though and buys my son clothes. He's be naked probably without her and she gets things at discount price too. Of course this is not a act of kindness no no. She keeps tabs of what she has done for you and you better pay back when she asks for something in return. It's not just to be nice. I don't know and its stressing and I can't write...and I'm done venting. This was a venting Blog, whew!

My Mommy's Day Out

As you know I had a birthday of recent and Saturday night was my night out for my birthday. I am a devoted mom and rarely go out so this was a much needed night out. I knew my sister could not protest cause it was my birthday and I don't go out much. Sheesh. She still did protest a bit copping an arched eyebrow and a Mmm hmm attitude like Im some naughty teenager. I also was home a bit late due to wicked fog and the event we went to was a bit out of town. I was not able to adivse due to my cell not working out there. Everyone else did but not mine ATT&T sucks! My son did have a bit of a Mommy withdrawl though. I told him in advanced so he could prepair himself that I was going out, he did but that did not mean he did not like it. He kept asking Mommy do you have to go? Can I go with? It broke my heart a bit cause he said this why hugging and clinging to me tight. He was fine though and he had his beloved Auntie watching him so it was not bad.

Upon coming home he was asleep of course so I picked him up to carry him down stairs and he woke up which was good cause was not sure how I was going to carry him down the stairs cause he is not light and I got bad back. Luckily he woke up and we walked down the stairs. I realized I think I missed him more than he missed me as I turned around on the last step and held out my arms in which he flew into. I said I missed him and he said I missed you too Mommy. I then go to tuck him in his bed and he goes aww I want to sleep in your bed. I realized then yes I was missed indeed and since he had a hard time with me leaving I let him, and I was really tired not used to late nights and having fun. My son then said yay! Which tickled my heart. Indeed I was missed and am loved. This little boy really loves me!

My son made me a Birthday cake!!!

Okay well he is 5 years old so he did have some help in making the cake, but he did help in the making and decorating with guided hand. He did the candle work himself too and then I got a special Birthday song. Enjoy!

It Figures!

Of course it figures!

All through winter break my son wakes up at the crack of dawn at 5 am. Now when it is time to go back to school he then decides he wants to sleep in an I have to wake him up. Typical! Well also it is my own fault for staying up late but we were on winter break so the luxury is to sleep in or so I thought. Either way it's back to School and back to work. We now must get our mindsets back into the old routine. I prepared my son for this and told him he had to simmer down now and focus for it's back to school and listening and learning. He did okay I think though this winter break I think may have dumbed him a bit and I do admit we could of focused on his speech a little bit more. It must of shown as I got a note that hinted that I should work with him at home more. I was a bit insulted cause I do work with him at home. Over break not so much focus true but it was Christmas time! Already though we are showing signs of he does not want to do his homework and messes around when I try to help him and go over his words. Perhaps we just need to get back in the routine of things and all will calm into place. I want to have hope that this year will be a better year and I can give my son what he needs...though I am already I want him to have a less worried momma.

Happy 2010!

Happy 2010 all! Whew the holidays are over. I am very ready for school to start again. I love my son dearly but I'm running low on steam and ideas to entertain him. (One of his joys is oddly watching me play Sims2). It is my fault for staying up late knowing my son gets up at 5 am stating he is hungry...well its now gotten to the point its whining. I have tried to sneak in some work after Christmas but he was just not having that wanting Mommy all to him and to play. Be I could not help but oblige him all he wanted was to play with his Mommy. He deserved it too for he was a great trooper during the writing of my book.

Its been a long winter break but we did have fun playing in the snow we got, playing knights and pirates, video games, eating yummy foods. I know Ive packed on a few extra pounds and I have not done my work outs. Monday is back to school and no more sleeping in. Though I really didn't get to sleep much in anyway, but I tried though. Near the end of our winter break ie today I realize my child really does talk too much. Here's to the New Year!

Day After Christmas

It's the day after Christmas and the energy is winding down.

We opened presents on a freezing rain Christmas Eve. It is a Swedish tradition that we still keep up in honor of our Mom. We almost lost tradition this year but it still prevailed.My cat though decided to chew my Christmas lights so half our tree became unlighted. My son cried thinking Santa is not going to come cause our tree is not lighted right but I assured him Santa will know. We then bought cookies for Santa but my son could not contain his love for cookies and ate them all. Oh this was turning out to be GREAT Christmas! GRR! I was on the verge of Bah Humbug, but really I could not just help but smile on the inside so half our tree is lighted its no big deal.

On Christmas Eve we have a light meal of meats and dips and cheese spreads on crackers then open presents. My son was so excited and jumping and dancing. He got slippers, socks, sponge bob underwear, the of course TOYS! a racer car, Playmobil pirate play sets, puzzles video games. May I mention the "some assembly may be required" is a bunch of BS! Good thing Mommy knows how to improvise cause I do not know what the hell they were thinking in their directions my gods!

Christmas Day of course Santa came. I conveniently got Creme de mint cookies for a present so we got to leave milk and cookies out for Santa. I get woken up I'm not sure what time Christmas Morning to a little voice saying can I open my present. I mumbled yes then I hear and happy squeal voice. It was a Playmobil Knights play and go play set. He wanted this, and it's suppose to be a travel play set but it really doesn't travel well, annnd it came with a play sword and shield which might not of been the best. I think I'm going to be tossing the sword out. The play set was my goal. Also on Christmas day we have the big Christmas meal and it was yummy. We also played in the Christmas snow which was light fluffy and angelic! The prefect snow. A perfect Christmas.

I'm Starting to Think My Son Is Not Human

I am sick once again. I got the flu shot and it seems to of made my immune system go gimme gimme for everything else. Here I am sick again and my son has been sick free. While I am happy and blessed! I am very happy my baby is not getting sick, BUT!!!! I am beginning to wonder is this boy HUMAN??? I am grateful he is not getting ill yes yes, though I am also starting to feel a ting of jealousy over the kid. Watch now he gets sick after I say this (winces). I think he is getting ticked off at mommy for being sick all the time too. For mommy is no fun when she is sick and I pretty much quell snuggle cuddle time for I do not want to make him sick. This time he is not really caring and is going to have his cuddle time with me do or die. I told him no and then he proceeds to hug and cuddle me saying but I wanna cuddle! My gods how can you resist the cuddles of your child! I do not think I am that severe in illness so I give in. It always seems to happen after I am outside playing with him. I'm trying to be a good fun mom and what do I get? ILLNESS! Add on with Christmas and snow its a deadly mix to still be authoritative mom even when you can hardly talk and don't sound so threatening with a swollen lymph node voice. Just think I've just had my limit of being sick is all. So for give me if I protest too much.

The total illness count is Mommy 3 Zachery 0

Snow Days

Winter storm of 2009 has hit us as well as many other states around me here in the mid-west. Schools were closed. My son was upset there was not school, and I was hard to convince there was no school too. I watched the news and thought I saw our school district closed, but I want not sure cause I had looked away briefly. I then got a call stating schools were close due to lack of bus drivers calling in absent. I still was not sure I heard right so I looked online and sure enough the words from my computer convinced me. I blame this on it was early in the morning and my brain was still sleeping. Okay no school now what? I cheered my son up by saying we will go out and play in the snowy as he calls it. This years snow was not the light and fluffy pretty kind of snow. It was the wet slushy kind. Good for making snowman and snowballs, as me and my son had a lovely snowball fight. Afterwards we went inside and had hot coco and cinnamon bread for breakfast and warmed up wrapped in blankets. Best Mommy and son moment ever.

Side note though: Wet slushy snow though bad to shovel its sooo heavy! Not good on the back that already messed up and filled with arthritis. A girl though has to do what a girl has to do. I now write this laid up in bed on a heating pad and had to take one of my strong meds that I'm only to take when I really need to. Good news though my sidewalk and steps are shoveled!

Christmas Shopping Online: This Parents dream

This was previously posted on hubpages.com. I'm sharing it here on my blog for its fitting.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Christmas-Shopping-onlineThis-Parents-dreams




Enjoy!

Registering for Kindergarten

Last Friday was early registration for Kindergarten. It hit me then oh my baby is going to be in Kindergarten!!! I just can't believe he and he is five!! I often just stare and look at him. He is beautiful, this precious little human being that I created. I can not believe he is really here with me. He is literally a dream come to life. Just did not know I'd be alone in this, yet I accept the challenge greatly.

Okay so I thought his pre-k school was a school school. It is not, it only serves as a pre-k school. I was disappointed cause I really loved that school and they were wonderful and my son has improved a lot in his speech therapy. Sadly he will be moving onto a new school. I registered him early, and the school I want him to attend is our neighborhood school so it it likely he will get in my school of choice. I went to the school and so did my nephew so I'm a little comforted there. When I told my son he would be going to a new school he was nervous and scared and he didn't want to go to a new school. I assured him it wont be for awhile, and I admitted Mommy was scared too, I felt his fear plus yes I had my own worries. I know maybe as a parent you should not show weakness. My Mom never did when I was young, and she was like super Mom to me. I wanted to show my child different and think it might be better and to teach him its okay to be scared and nervous. Even Mommy gets scared, but Mommy will be brave and face her challenges head on and he will too. We will face it together when the time comes. I will show my son to be brave and to go for it!

Birthdays and Holidays

October is actually the start of the the whirlwind. November is the worst due to my son's birthday not being that far from Thanksgiving.

So last week was a bit hectic with birthday celebration, then Thanksgiving. Lets add my power cord to my laptop blew up literally. Blessings came though that I was able to make sure my son had a happy birthday. It was just me and him and it was nice and cozy. He knows it's me and he till the end and he can always count on Mommy. Even though he is close to his Aunt and Uncle we can't count on them really. They give false promises and think he wont remember cause he is just a kid. Oh kids remember and I still remember intentions well said, but empty in the end. Back on to topic we have started a tradition in which we celebrate at Toys R US. He is in their birthday club where he gets a hat and balloon and gift card. He picked out a Scooby Doo game to buy then we went for ice cream and he got a free box of Popsicles. We then went back home to have cake and ice cream. We pretty much lived off of cake and ice cream for that was all we had to eat really. Later in the day his Aunt came with her present which was a new game controller so he could play his new game. When asked at the end of the day if he had a happy birthday he smiled said YEAH! Sadly though he having a hard time letting his birthday go as I tell him his birthday is over now. So he goes around and sing Happy birthday to nobody cause he just gotta sing apparently. It's to cute and I just laugh. So I told him Mommy birthday is next so he excited for Mommy's birthday and wonder if there will be cake. He helped make a cake for me last year and wants to do it again. (With help of course.) Craziness is not over yet as Christmas looms OH MY!!

TO BE CONTINUED!

Your sick and your a Single Mom, and flu shots are evil

It seems when Mom is sick the world falls apart. I got a flu shot, but it seems Ive been sicker now than I was last year when I did not have one...wait I was only sick once last year and that was in APRIL! I am refusing flu shots next season cause I'm healthier without them. I got one and I now have been sick twice. Sadly it did not keep me out of his office like he had hoped. Okay now I got that off my chest. Yes it seems the world falls apart when mommy is sick. I kind of feel sorry for my son cause I did not want him to get sick and so Ive kind of banned him for hugging me a lot and playing with me and cuddling with me and giving me kisses. I'm like sweetie I don't want you to get sick. Whatever I had gives you high fevers all day and that on a 4 year old(almost 5) body is dangerous. Ive been praying to keep him healthy. Its like he an incubator for the germs and I catch the illness not him. Which I am totally happy with. I will get sick a million times over if it keeps him healthy. I was just sick the week before Halloween and was not sure I was going to be well for trick or treating but I was and he was happy. Now once again I am sick again. My son has done pretty well understanding mommy is sick not to get too close and I remind him he can't do the things he normally does with me. My sister has been a little bit helpful she fed him one day cause I was so not feeling like cooking and plus Id just give him a bowl of my germs probably. Monday I went to doctor got tested for Strep throat, Mono and they both came up negative so I was told it probably viral and I got some antibiotics and was told to rest. My sister was kind and picked my son up from the bus after school and apparently while he was happy to see his auntie he goes "Where's my mommy." That touched my heart so. My gods this little person really does love me and I am his world as he is my world. His sweetness can only last so long though as he now is like hmm mommy is sick lets see what I can get away with. Mommy is sick yes but not that sick. As I am starting to feel better my son takes notice though. Yesterday he came to me and said. "Mommy I miss you." Ive been here all this time but also Ive been a bit distant with him too for not wanting him to catch what I had. So last night we cuddled for the first time in a long time it seemed and he fell asleep in my arms. Awww

Blessings mixed

You are waiting in line at the checkout when the woman before you with a little boy in tow goes way over her food stamp about and has to take things back. What posses you to say that you will pay for the rest of her groceries? An Angel?

Random acts of kindness are so rare. Especially when the acts of kindness come at a price in my life. This is what happened to me. I only had 50 dollars I went way over my limit. I'm not sure what I was thinking I do this all the time. My mind is so frazzled and you got a kid in tow wanting everything. One of the things though I got him for supplies for his cakes. Which was so happy about and goes, "mommy we gotta take away my cake?" I was not going to take away his cake but as I was shamelessly removing item after item the lady behind me waiting said put the rest on her card. I was stunned. I told her thank you and tears started to flow. I broke after trying to be so strong of the mess I have made my life. I hugged her and thanked her and I think the cashier was near tears too. They just did not know how much that meant to me. Me a single struggling mom. I actually though felt pathetic that my life has come to this. I'm such a loser. So we got more food, but its gotta last us the whole month yet I my a 4 almost 5 year old that want to eat everything I bought in one day. Gods how do I deal with that? I want to feed my son but he can not eat a whole bag or box of something just for lunch. It has to last us!

I'm snapping!Let add also he wants his cake now and is refusing to understand its not his birthday yet and I'm completely broke and bills are adding my body hurts and I fractured cracked or did something the hell to my toe. Can't wear a shoe and your sister calls you a pussy wuss! But that a whole another thing I probably need therapy for. My woes stem from that probably and I'm not being the best mommy I can be. My son see his mommy put down and he get put down at well. They think they mean no harm but it just stings me every time my son told he is a bad butt. He can be naughty what child is not? He is also good and I remind him of that and not to become the negative that is told of him...like it seems I have become.